Demonic Angel

Tak bisa tidur karena banyak lagu yg mo di d/l… tadi kayana koneksi kenceng, kenapa sekarang lemah syahwat begini???

eit.. dicela doi kenceng lagi… bagus…

gw baru saja flooding comment page di monchan… biar ngamuk2 doi besok… hehehehe… gini nih jadi penganguran.. secara masih banyak revisi yg harus gw lakukan betewe….

Anyhow, tonikaku, ngomong2… mo ngomong apa tadi? gw lupa… oia… apa yak? apaanlah!!! terserah… ngomongin hal yg laen…

oia, Dir en Grey! gw mw menggosip mereka… bentar lagi mereka akan launch album [Marrow of The Bone], tanggal 7 Februari 2007. Secara mw menggosip, kerenan pake bahasa londo…

Dir en Grey newest album, coming soon! February 7th 2007 : Marrow of The Bone. I had pre-ordered it from YesAsia thru Monchan account. I shall pay her later… But there are no further news about the preparation of the new album launching… Let’s analyze what were they’re doing counting down to the release of the new album…

According to their schedule listed in their MySpace, I think they’re still doing shows in Japan. I don’t know the point of doing shows there… Since there’s no new album released yet, and their latest single was out far before this moment. Maybe they just need money… [wong kere...]

Or… if they’re not performing these recent days, maybe they’re preparing for the tour. Practice, working out, or fix their physical appearances… Like Toshiya fixing his dislocated teeth, Kyo healing his wounds or the skin diseases which made him has to scratch his body during the show, because the itchiness was irresistable, and what a clever person he is to finally be able make it looks dramatic with overdo it and bleed the skin.. or.. Kaoru was making new tattoo in his toes or between fingers… since there are no space left to paint in his body… Or Die suffer the hair loss since the blower he used during every show blew too hard…Or despised the life of Miyuu, Shinya started to see a shrink to find out which gender he really belongs to… or, you’d be shock knowing either Shinya or Toshiya started to follow the steps of the other members who already had their body tattooed… then the world would stop spinning…

I started to lose my sanity…

Let’s comment on other things… Like what? Like… Hyde… what the heck he’s doing right now? Holding hands with Gackt? Or playing with his kid? He work too much and I was wonder how he spend time with his kid? Could he play with his kid? Or rather his kid assume he was someone with the same age… Hyde was too small to be considered an adult… Poor child his kid is… He never grow taller… Bwaaahahahahahahhahaha!!!

I think I shall stop forcing this PC to d/l things… I got easily insane for lack of sleep.. bye for now!

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Menjelang hari H dimana masa depanku akan ditentukan oleh 3 individu yg cukup katam pada bidangnya [baca : sidang], psikosomatik mulai muncul dengan ajaibnya…

mulai dari sakit perut tanpa alasan, mencret2 [mpe mule akrab ma Toto dan Waskita], mpe gak bisa tidur lebih dari 1-2 jam, itu juga pada siang hari… badan pegal2, geli2 basah [baca : gelisah], sampe dengkul lemas…. semua tanpa penyebab yg jelas… lebih anehnya lagi, lendir di tenggorokan tak kunjung berakhir padahal gw dah merasa sembuh dari flu beberapa minggu sebelumnya… laknat bukan?

apakah masalah gw takut tak bisa ngapain2 pas sidang? ada sih.. tapi biasanya tidak akan memiliki reaksi fisik seperti ini… trus apa???

iya… trus apa??? trus kalo dah lulus, apa??? gw mau ngapain? gw bisa apa? masalah kerja, pasti ada aja deh kerjaan kalo dicari… mule jadi tukang bersih2 mpe jadi manager juga pasti ada aja… but it’s not that what’s really bothering me…

apakah gw siap menanggung beban sebagai seorang Sarjana Psikologi?

melihat Bu Bonang, Mba Angel, Mas ferdy, Mba Rama, dan para dosen lainnya… mereka memang bisa mengemban titel mereka dengan baik… gw? bisakah gw mempertanggungjawabkan ilmu yg gw dapat selama ini ke masyarakat? apalagi dengan pemberian titel Sarjana Psikologi…

the more i think of it, the more pressure I got… [skrg aja gw gemeteran nulisnya]

widih… berat juga ya titel ini untuk dibawa kemana2… ijasah itu gak cuma sebatas persyaratan masuk dunia kerja, ato jadi surat ijin menikah [for some ppl]… but for me, it was worth more than that… apa yg bisa gw kasih ke masyarakat ketika mereka menambah lagi 1 orang sarjana psikologi di antara mereka? ijasah ini diakui masyarakat lho!!! yg meloloskan gw memang beberapa orang, tapi gw yakin mereka tau bahwa mereka sedang melepas binatang yg biasa dikerangkeng di kandang identitas mahasiswa…

tekanan ini… gw mau kayak Ichan, yg bnr2 bisa menyumbang untuk masyarakat dengan bekerja untuk membangun kembali reruntuhan aceh… tapi apa gw siap terjun di dunia seperti itu? I’m trying to gain my confidence on it…

gw gak mau tuh, nantinya ada omongan kaya… "Orang ky gini kok jadi S.Psi…?" gw mau org ngomong, "Emang pantes jadi S.Psi…" bukan gak percaya ma keputusan Bu Bonang, Mas Raymond, Mba Lena, dan Mba Angel tentang kelulusan gw, tapi mentally… mentally… gw siap kah menghadapi masyarakat???

S**t!!! I’m getting confuse… I’m getting nervous… we should end this session…

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Booooooo….!!!! Desperado… D’espairs Ray… Desperate in general!!!! Biar 24 jam, tapi connectionnya lama bener!!! d/l vid kecil aja rasanya mw beranak pinak… gak sopan nih internet… sudahkah ku bilang ku mencandu TVXQ? Segumulan cowok yg jago dance sambil nyanyi? Tapi beneran deh, mereka bisa nyanyi… sungggggguuuuuuhhhh!!!! Hari ini ku beli cincin dengan mata onyx, batunya si Gackt-sama… Keren deh…Tapi warnanya yg hitam membuat gw macam janda berdarah dingin yg sll membunuh suaminya demi harta… parah yak? Btw, ngomongin Arief, anak yg kemaren gw jadikan korban ngobrol gw secara gw bosen bener dengerin dangdut di acara Jepun… Dia tanya agama gw apa, gw bilang katolik… Dia bilang kalo orang kresten buat tanda salib ya sebelum berdoa? gw bilang iya… pendek cerita, dia minta diajarin buat tanda salib…. smoga dia gak kasih unjuk bapak maknya… biar jadi kresten semuanyaaaaa!!!! hahahahahahaha… gak ding.. itu cuma buat nambah pengetahuan. gw tak ada maksud menyebarkan agama. menurut gw agama apa aja ajarannya bener… yg penting bukan agama, tapi apa yg kita imani… bukan begitu minna???? whatever lah… gw masih mencandu dance TVXQ… mereka keren bgt dance-nya… para nigerr dan bule gila joget juga lewat menurut gw.. yg jago koreografernya kali ya… ini lagi berusaha d/l video "O" dari mereka… lagunya sih dugem berat, pasti dancenya keren macam Rising Sun… Kenapa para band2 di acara jejepunan kaga ada yg pernah bawain lagu para boyband? Itu menarik lho!!! kan jadi beda dari band2 yg cuma bisa jejeritan dengan vokal lirik yg tak jelas dan distorsi ngepoll… [secara gw juga suka siy...] just need something different. rada bosen lagu Drain Away, The Final, ato yg laen dari Gazzette [baca : gajet], dkk dibawain berulang2 dalam 1 event… emang lagu Diru cuma itu doang apa??? Kenapa gak ada yg bawain Raison D’etre yg bisa menemani ibu2 RT senam pagi? Ato Audrey yg bisa buat Inul kriyep2??? Terserah lah… poko’e… sumpah mati gw sembah kalo ada yg mw perform lagunya Kanjani8 [Naniwa iro ha bushi, Sukiyanen Osaka, Kanfuu Fighting], Kattun [NoMataMata, Harukana Yakusoku, Real Face], News [Teppen, Cherish, Yume no kazu dake], atau TVXQ [Rising Sun, O, Hug, One, My Li'l Princess]… Ato yg deket aja deh… The Gospellers… Keren tuh! gw ngomongin apa ya? however… request kali ya ma para band2 j-rock di indo… Bawain Ryoujuko no Ame -nya Dir en Grey. Tuh lagu keren bet… makin keren kalo bisa dikolaborasiin ma lagu Kanjani8, Naniwa iroha bushi… gw lagi mencoba untuk mix kedua lagu itu… sepertinya gw makin lelah dengan net ini.. mungkin hanya tuhan yg bisa menyembuhkan koneksi yg lama ini… mungkin gw harus lbh byk berdoa supaya koneksinya makin cepet… pusing…. –

capek bener… entah…

kemaren di acara jejepunan bisa ngobrol2 ma anak kls 5 SD, namanya arief… he’s happened to sit beside me… knowing his world, being able to tell him many things interested him, and able to have a pleasure chat with him was quite interesting… baru kejadian sekali di acara jejepunan itu…

jadi ingat Gung-chan… dia sempet bertanya apakah gw hendak balik lagi ke Rakata? I’d love to… tapi emang beda handle anak yang berkecukupan dengan anak yang biasa susah… kalo mo cari fun, mending ma anak yg doyan susah… kalo cari tantangan yah ma yg bapak’e tinggal di gedongan…

wherever this heart takes me to…

ku baru beli album TVXQ yg baru kayana, 3rd album. ku suka sekali dengan lagunya yg kedua… [secara pake bhs korea...]

hari ini berasa bener capena euy… semaput… tadi malam tak bisa tidur, jadi baru tidur subuh… samsara pisan…

sebodo teing euy… 俺さガンバって暮れただeuy… lucu pisan bahasa jepang pake logat sunda euy… jangan ditiru ya… berbahaya katana tte…

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gila maning thu ibu bonang… hormat!!! kalo mo ngomongin doi kudu respektif… dikata ngerjain revisi enak apa??? kaga!!!

kalo belum dapat gelar ngerjain skripsi… dah lulus ngerjain revisi… kapan gw bisa lepas dari penelitian ini???? damn…

ku binun… ga sreg dgn sidang kemaren. mrk becanda kali ya? huwaaa!!! whatever lah…. bebas…

shit! [ngerasain jg jd ika...]

entahlah… mau mengembalikan kesadaran dulu…

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Days like today came with very unexpected things or matter towards the big day that would test your courage to keep on moving forward…

as for today I can’t sleep, and got sooooo weak with this lack of sleep mater, then having stomachache but don’t know where’s the reall problem is, then got annoyed, so sensitive, felt soooo tired…. so I called this complaining day….

I think I had lose some weight due to lack of sleep, even tho’ I eat more frequently than usual days… I think it’s a good way of losing weight effectively in a night, but trust me, I won’t advice this… it’s the FAT who needs to go, not really your sanity, especially when realizing that my brain couldn’t function well when its brought along with my body for this certain ‘DIET’. My brain didn’t need diet.. it needs fattened…

tomorrow…

earlier this morning [since i didn't sleep the whole night thru'] I watched Korean drama, ‘Over the Rainbow’, which showed many failures and how to keep stronger after one failure and another… all was for a dream’s sake… and within the drama, there’s a song often sang by the actor, and quite moving… ‘Tomorrow, tomorrow’ was the title…

remind me of tomorrow…

about to be slay down…

God have mercy on my soul…

[amen]

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Arrrgghhh!!! had done my scripture, and my sensei adding more pressure and stress to my present state with saying she could asked thousands things based on what I wrote! God!!! couldn’t she be more rewarding? i bet she couldn’t … don’t care.

now, counting days to my trial……. won’t talk much about it. devastating.

時々や、薫の妻になるのほうだ。　この大学に出て行くより。　結婚するのことはもっと簡単として見たいな。　ほら！　死にたい気がして！　この感じすることが切ないやろう！

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よやく、新年来ましたね。よかったと思ってけど、もっと心配しになってよ！

今月の最後には論文は渡せなければならないから。

かみさまあああ。。。

I began this year with… praying of course with the entire family, then go upstairs, enjoying my wine while watching Dir en Grey’s "It Withers and Withers" concert. I smiled along the time… Such a perfect year opening, and I hope brought luck for the rest of the days in this year…

Later on, I went to sleep, and woke up at 9 to prepare meeting Ika and help her with SPSS… That’s not pretty good…

It ended with me laying in bed the next day, which is today…

I hope I could get better. I had a target to catch!!!

Wish you all the best year ever…

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